Craving Deep Emotional Connections
The very first thing I want to do today is give a shout-out to Linda.
Linda texted me at 12:38 asking me where this Monday’s post is!!!
And my heart just 🥺.
Thank you Linda. You are amazing no lie.
And for everyone else who might have come on here at 12:00 I appreciate you.
I’ll work on being on time as I settle down.
Thank you for your love and patience and support.
Okay, let’s get right into it then, shall we?
Last week I left it off at throwing us back to my first week with Yellow.
However I feel strongly that before going there, there’s a dynamic
you need to understand about how I have approached relationships thus far.
By relationships I mean all relationships not romantic ones.
So I’ve been watching this show on Netflix( Thanks Sheryl, for the account <3 ).
It’s called “Trinkets”.
When I drafted this post I had just watched S2 E7.
It was an episode where they were celebrating thanks giving.
The show stars a trio.
Moe, Elodie and Tabitha.
Now what hits me the most is how the show depicts teenagers.
Teenagers who experience such intense emotional depth in their relationships.
Then I look at myself.
A 21 year old.
And I think to myself, why haven’t I got to experience that?
I then think about Yellow
And how she means so much to me.
In retrospect, I think now I understand why…
She represented and embodied everything I had craved for so long.
But at the same time I also realize that I may have put too much weight on her.
I placed all these expectations and aspirations on her.
Luckily she was smarter than I was at the time and saw that keeping up
with my intensity while still working on herself would not work out in
our favour and so she pulled the plug.
I appreciate her foresight.
Because in all honesty I don’t know what that weight would have done to her.
But that doesn’t change this emotional energy I have built up.
I really need to find ways to experience the deep emotional connections I crave.
In healthy ways…
And now that I think about it, I realize that I actually have, its just that
my experiences aren’t as picture perfect as the ones on Netflix shows
or on all the romantic movies I love to watch.
But they exist nonetheless.
And so I’ve decided to stop chasing that fictional dream with fictional future friends.
I’ve decided to plow back into my existing relationships, the imperfect ones
that I choose to ignore because they aren’t like the ones on Netflix.
The ones with family I don’t know but still call family.
The ones with cousins I was soo fond of when I was younger but no longer talk to.
And maybe in this I’ll find my Netflix dream.
This is more a note to self than a note to my readers.
Adrian, You have invested in beautiful relationships for yourself
Relationships that are full of love
Full of support
Built on honesty
Cherish and appreciate these
Work on growing them
Because they are enough
Chasing that fictional Uber rich, going to Bali every three months friend group
Will leave you feeling drained and unloved
Till next time : )
Lots of love from me to you.
Have a great week.