Intimacy, Touch, Hugs and Cuddles. I Miss That
As I write my musings, I like to have music playing.
Today I listen to Frank Ocean on Thinking Bout You.
Play it as you read. Maybe you’ll feel something close to what I feel in this moment.
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2020 has been rough you guy!
Especially, emotionally.
Here I spotlight the intimacy section specifically.
Yaani no long tight hugs, no hand holding, no cuddling naked, no sex.
It has been the absolute ghetto.
At least, I got to hang out with Yellow.
Kiss her soft lips.
Laugh in between kisses.
Hold her hand briefly.
Look at her smile.
And that was magical.
(Her story, “Five Years in Five weeks. A Romance.” Is a WIP
You’ll know her soon.)
But that was the first Intimate interaction since March.
I met Yellow in August. Almost six months without a proper hug.
Is this how I die? Deprived of intimacy?
I made a habit of hugging my sister in the morning when I see her.
That was short lived.
One day I went to hug her and she called me needy.
That really hurt.
And in as much as we talked about it, I no longer want to hug her.
It reminds me.
How her words tore through me, that day she called me needy.
It’s funny how I didn’t know that the March interaction was probably
the last heavily intimate interaction I would have this year.
If I did maybe I would have taken her up on her offer to join her in the shower.
That would have been fun.
Actually, let me tell you how it all went down.
Friday 13th March 2020.
( No I don’t remember the dates off the top of my head, lol.
I’m referring to our chats. )
I started with the stupidest text ever. Typical me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
me: having sex boosts your body’s ability to make protective antibodies against bacteria, viruses, and other germs that cause illnesses so lmk if you wanna fight coronavirus together 🥺👉🏻👈🏻
her: 😂😂😂😂you know you are silly btw
me: 😂😂yes I do
me: So that’s a no?
her:A no to what?😂
me: 😂😂fighting coronavirus together. 🥺 👉🏽👈🏽
her: 😂ooh
her: Sure
her: You wanna come by today we hire the t-shirts for fighting corona😊
me: 😂 Are t-shirts necessary Won’t that be overdressing 🤷🏽♂️
The chat goes on…
But that’s how I spent the night in Juja.
Not knowing that the pandemic I joked about would have me in the house permanently for a LONG TIME.
If you meet me and you know you don’t have this virus.
Hug me, I need hugs.
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“Yes, of course
I remember, how could I forget (how could I forget)?
How you feel (how you feel)?
You know you were my first time (time).
A new feel
It won’t ever get old, not in my soul,
Not in my spirit, keep it alive (spirit, keep it alive)
We’ll go down this road
‘Til it turns from color to black and white”