Learning to Stop. Learning to Listen

12/01/2022 00:31

i’ve noticed this interesting phenomemon where it seems like theres two of me in a situation. for ease of identification i’ll call one Murage (my habitual self) and the other Adrian (my conscious self).

just now i was watching The Legend of Kora on Netflix. i was supposed to have called it a night at around 10:30pm / 11:00pm but i didn’t. i kept on watching even though Adrian kept saying that i needed to be sleeping. Murage craved just one more episode and kept watching.

it’s this duality that has been the basis of my struggles for a very very long time. Adrian knows the way we wish to behave and Murage behaves in a way that impeads that. in a way that feels safe and not too much adversity is being met.

i find it interesting to watch this tussle of wills. sometimes. the rest of the time i spend recovering from the actions of Murage or progressing from the actions of Adrian.

ultimately i wish to learn to listen to Adrian. learn to negotiate with Murage. learn to stop when the actions of Murage are clearly taking us down the path of detriment.